Where have I been? Writing Motivation.

 

 

So maybe you’ve noticed, or maybe not (perhaps I’m being conceited) that I’ve been absent on the blog for a while now. Nothings came up, life has been as painfully ordinary as ever, so I can’t give you that excuse. Truth is, there is no excuse. I guess if I had to give one, it’s that I’m human.

I never intended to make money off this blog. I initially didn’t even mean for people to read it. It was always just going to be a space to share my own thoughts, if only for myself. It was a tool to help with mental illness mostly.

I have always loved writing. I have written stories my whole life, fictional and non-fictional. They started off as fairy tales when I was young. Then I wrote poetry as a pre-teen. During my time in secondary school, it was mostly homework with some fantasy writing on the side. Now it’s feminist pros and pieces on mental health and life as a queer young adult.

However, I enjoy writing on my own terms. I do it for fun and catharsis. When I’m on a strict deadline, which I set myself after gaining success on this blog, it stopped being fun. I found myself stuck for ideas and writing about things that I didn’t care about. I started writing for the reader and ironically, my views dropped as a result.

What I’m trying to get at is that I cannot continue writing on here for anyone but myself. I need to take some pressure off. I’ll admit, I spent more time promoting my blog than I did writing for it. I joined multiple Facebook groups, Linked in Groups and Tribes online to spam my stuff. It became a job. I began stressing over numbers and figures and lost the love that I had for writing. I spent hours researching SEO tactics and html code and blah blah blah.

I know this is some peoples’ jobs, I understand that. I realize that people are trying to make a career out of this sort of thing, but I am not. I have other things to stress about; mental illness, university, relationships etc. I cannot let this blog consume me as it has. I don’t want to have to motivate myself to write, I want to do when it feels right. I want to write about topics that I love, rather than topics with catchy titles to attract potential subscribers.

Anyways, because I was feeling this way I did what I do in most situations that make me anxious, I avoided it all together. I pretended that this blog didn’t even exist. I ignored emails, didn’t bother signing in to check comments and stopped jotting down notes on things to write about.

I am not a social media genius. I am not a marketing professional. I am not an Instagram aficionado. I am a girl that is struggling to take care of herself. I’m a girl who doesn’t know what the hell she is doing – and that’s okay. Will I keep writing? Will I make a career out of this? Will I be successful? Who knows and who the fuck cares.

Right now, I’m going to keep going with the blog. I’m going to do a few things differently but I am going to stick to it. It’s brought be so much joy and optimism that it would be stupid to throw it all away now in a tantrum. I’m going to try to retain the reason why I started all of this. I’m doing it for myself. It is something in my life I can control, that’s completely mine and nobody can take from me, and that feels amazing.

Look, if you’re like me and are having a mental crisis over your writing, or your career path and are struggling with motivation, my advice would be to not be over critical of yourself. We are only human. I regret taking so much time off, sure, but I needed to do it to clear my head.

I am writing this piece with no plan. I wanted to have it flow out of my fingers and into fruition. I want it to be raw and honest. There’s so much that people try to conceal online. It’s hard to know what’s real anymore. I can only promise that I will try to be honest with you guys from now on.

If you have stuck around regardless, thank you so much for being patient with me. I look forward to what the future may bring for me, whatever that it.

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One thought on “Where have I been? Writing Motivation.

  1. Hey there! I just stumbled across your blog as I’m writing my own blog post about where to find help for your mental health. It’s so nice to find an Irish blogger with what I think has similar interests and a want to use their voice! This resonates with me so much!! A lot less visible or known online as I have only just begun and have been afraid to share (due to lack of motivation to write) and coming up with excuses when there aren’t really any excuses. I love connecting with like minded people though and it’s the little conversations that make me want to write more. So anyways, hey there, you’re blog is beautiful and from what I’ve read, you are too. x

    Liked by 1 person

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